St. Lucy’s Day: Composed at Ewa Beach Park, Oahu, 12.13.03

Formerly tormented

The rudders of my heart

Steer me towards an inner you

Ferried by fate

The gleaming words

Bend like reeds

Suppositions of selfhood

 

I imagine you borne aloft and far away

It brings me grief

I imagine you borne aloft and far away

Peace escapes this shore

With every retraction of wave

What went before

In copper-colored disarray

The grains of sand

Disappear into murky hesitancy

The gasp before the scream

 

Do the winds aid my progress?

Does the sun purify me from doubt?

Does the earth nourish me to health?

Do the waves cleanse me from fear?

 

May Hermes guide you through the ether

May Poseidon grant you safe passage

 

On this, the first long night of loneliness

The echo before earth’s awakening

But who makes the descent now

You or I?

 

Keep that sun anchored there

Not in cloud

Not in mist

A pinkish-gray suffusion

When platitudes of spirit

Close in upon themselves

Silver-tipped waves beat back

Confusion

A parade of thoughts, jumbled, sincere

Tinged with salt spray

And that odious odor of ocean

You find so welcoming

The homecoming

Not bitterness on grass mats

 

Am I a ridiculous thing?

 

I am a ridiculous thing

Immobile driftwood

Thrown up by lots amidst

Fishing line bits and crushed coconut husks

Brown and angular

My hair the raven, dry seaweed

Hopefully not as pathetic as the discarded

Children’s plastic toys

A green sand-catching elephant

Its trunk unceremoniously wedged into the sand

Its vacuous pupils gaze everywhere and

Nowhere

I do not want to end up like that

Obscene and forgotten

A biohazard of the spirit

 

Such sights on this first long night of loneliness

Are better left beyond the protruding reef rocks

 

The sun sinks down my esophagus and I am speechless.

 

One of those heartbreakingly beautiful Hawaiian sunsets, made all the worse when you are alone and choking on grief.

One of those heartbreakingly beautiful Hawaiian sunsets, made all the worse when you are alone and choking on grief.

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