Adaptation

At twilight the lengthening shadow of the palm leaf hovers over my heart like a dagger

A pastel palette swirls behind cobalt clouds

I couldn’t ask to be murdered more gently

 

Now what’s this

tears appear unbidden

You are smiling stasis behind glass

two-dimensional and trapped

will you ever revive

does love still live for you

this is not what I envisioned married life to be

 

with shuffling feet

the pursuit

in vague dreams

my solitude screams

gets carried over the cracked, red soil

awaiting the asphalt

awaiting the asphalt

my heart must be buried there, too

trampled upon

demarcated with neon flags

a stab wound

for each day that you’ve abandoned me

 

opalescent memories

by turns comforting and cold

the death of causality

a calamity

what if your return spells estrangement

convictions caked-on

my brain

a burnt casserole dish

Somewhere on Oahu: inner torment, meet the tormented Pacific.

sleeplessness ensures

I’m awake to the anguish

the empty half of the bed

a yawning chasm of freshly laundered sheets

that greets

my outstretched arm

you’re not lying there

you’re not lying there on your stomach

you’re not lying there on your stomach on a sun-kissed Saturday morning wincing as Loki launches a blitzkrieg attack on your wriggling feet

 

Rain-splattered wind hisses

between the blinds

like the spittle of a minister

impassioned at the pulpit

but you know nothing of this

you are fire encased by water

shielded by nuclear-powered technology

 

Do you think of me at all?

and what “me” is affixed in your mind

what translates into the depths

wherein you’ve submerged yourself

has it made me change

do I now look out of

the watery gloom

with newfound phosphorescence

can my scales seal out the cold

my lungs bear the pressure

I’m told

that sunlight itself will be the death of me

But on the surface world all is lovely

illusion of independence

I can ride my new bike around the neighborhood

accelerated angst

coasting towards chaos

in this slumbering twilight

where the Universe forgets

before it begets

itself again

to the cars

my reflectors signal a new prey

with each thrust of the pedal

my mettle is tested

to breathe

to shriek

to discern

to negate

to venture forward

to surrender to idleness

to will

to silence

Sometimes I leave the porch light on to welcome my confusion

 

And what about us

the delusion

of what went before or what will be

the cracks in my face

now mirror the soil

my tears

irrigation canals

for the pineapples of my sorrows

prickly and unappetizing

fattened by the genetic modification of universal injustice

 

I can clench my fist

but what’s the point

tension gets dulled

triumphal dullness

though

is a problem

 

let me coast towards chaos

in this two-lane highway

where I have no leeway

among alien faces

no traces

of my home nor forecast of vocation

beyond

my duty to feel deeply

to chronicle and transmit

what’s above the asphalt

for below lies my heart

lanced with decayed palm leaves

poor stitches, really

they failed to hold me together

after you abandoned me

 

It seems I’ve joined the ranks of the undead

• abandonment
• depression
• loss
• love
• marriage
• military life
• Navy wife
• Oahu
• Poetry
• submariner
• the Silent Service